Beautifully and Imperfectly Made

Am I the only woman out there who has that feeling of wanting to shut the doors and close shop when things become so overwhelming and the shocking realization slaps me in the face that.... Wait for it.... I am not perfect! When I say wanting to shut the doors and close shop, I am not referring to my business doors...well not all the time at least, I am referring to my bedroom door; my office door; my pantry door; my laundry room door; my mailbox door; my home door and the list of doors continue. There are so many doors in my life that at different times become so stressful, overwhelming, busy and crazy that if I don't shut the door I feel as though it may all cave in around me. Everyone shuts their doors in different ways, I shut my doors either by blocking whatever it is out and pretending it's nonexistent at the moment or by picking up something new to dabble in as to distract me from having to deal with whatever it is lurking behind that closed door. Neither is a healthy option and almost always results in the inevitable of having to still deal with whatever it is, plus the extra stress that avoiding the situation resulted in. Whether it's stress from suppressed feelings/emotions; playing catch up because it's now piled up even more than what it was before; worsen physical issues and the annoying reminder that I am not perfect. I don't know about you but I spend way more time worrying about how to make everything in my life perfect, rather than putting in the time needed to get what needs to be done efficiently. Instead I base everything I do with the goal of perfection, if it's not going to be perfect than what's the point. I typically fret over it until I run out of time, then end up being disappointed because I've built something so amazing in my head that even Martha Stewart would fail at accomplishing it. I become my own stumbling block, causing me to feel more stressed and like a failure because it's doesn't turn out how I envisioned it or no one can help me with it because I always end up micro-managing it to death. Today my Gram came into town and stopped by my house to say hello and see my little ones. As the little ones slept in the living room and I worked away in my home office, she sat down to tell me a story regarding a painting she had started a year ago of a horse for a her dear friend that she started but stopped because she just couldn't seem to get the eyes perfect. She wanted the painting to be perfect for her friend because this horse by the name of Rose had passed away and it was a very special horse and memory to her friend. She decided to pick up the paint brush again a few months ago in hopes to finish it for her friend as a Christmas gift but little did she know this painting would also end up becoming a special blessing to a family who is about to face their first Christmas without a cherished loved one. The loved one that this family lost a few months ago was the grandson of one of my Grams dear friends. He was in his late teens, a loving soul and an incredible and talented artist. My Gram had received a letter from this young mans church asking for stories or items of remembrance for his stocking that would be empty this Christmas. This young mans church wanted to give his family these stories and items to open and have as a little piece of him on this difficult Christmas morning. My Gram did not know this young man well but knew his grandmother and from her felt as though she did know him. As she sat one evening, painting the eyes of the horse and growing frustrated at the imperfection of them, that's when it hit her and she saw this young man in the eyes of the horse and realized the eyes weren't meant to be perfect. In fact our lives aren't meant to be perfect. She finished the painting and gave the painting to her friend for Christmas along with a letter describing her experience while painting her horse. She also wrote a letter to the young mans family with a picture of the horse, sharing with them how his memory inspired her to finish what she couldn't a year ago. This story was inspiring to me, as I often myself get so caught up in trying to be the perfect everything that I probably miss out on alot of opportunities around me to help others who are struggling with things alot tougher, than my Christmas tree being perfectly decorated. This conversation with my Gram, made me realize that there is more beauty in imperfection than there is in perfection and the only one who's missing out in life is me. As she sat across from me, telling me this story, she never knew how her imperfect act of kindness inspired me to write this blog dedicated to her. She is one of the strongest women I know, with the most giving and loving heart and I am lucky to call her my Gram. She truly is beautifully and imperfectly made and for that I am grateful or I may would continue to strive to live in this exhausting and unattainable bubble of perfection until something like, her words of wisdom or act of kindness pop me out of it. I will continue to remind myself daily that I am beautifully and imperfectly made. Visit my blog on Working Mother Magazine at: http://www.workingmother.com/blogs/mother-entrepreneur-redefined/beautifully-and-imperfectly-made