1. Suffering from shell shock.
2. Stunned, distressed, or exhausted from a prolonged trauma or an unexpected difficulty.
Let's just apply #2 to motherhood, can I get an AMEN!
About 8 weeks ago I had my darling baby girl and about 6 weeks ago is when my life took a veered off the path I had so perfectly planned during the 9 month wait of her arrival. Veered....ummm maybe I should say took a nose dive off that path...the day and the following two weeks after having this new bundle of joy I was feeling great minus the expected post prego routine everything in my life had surprisingly seemed to bounce back relatively quickly which even surprised me a little. I had envisioned this 2nd pregnancy playing out as so...mom and business woman returning to duty with no issues but the extra child I would be carrying on my hip as I continued on as usual...I am sure you seasoned mothers of plus one, mothers of one and new mothers are lol'ing right this moment.
Maybe my first pregnancy was easier; maybe I had completely forgotten what the first pregnancy truly was like; maybe I was clinically delusional and had been since the birth of my 3.5 yr old; maybe it was the pain pills post c-sec; maybe it was denial; maybe it was stored 2 week adrenaline that 2 weeks later came to a screeching halt...whatever it was it...it came in suddenly and everything became with not a better description other than just plain BLAH. I felt by week 3 I was just merely going through the motions and surviving versus living. Of course, I know I just had major surgery and my hormones were and still are trying to sort themselves out but I felt different with this pregnancy. I felt like I was a Mommy Zombie...no energy; no personality; no opinion; no interest...just BLAH and for those of you who know me that is so opposite of me. I know over the next year I will look back at this blog and the memory of this part of my 2nd pregnancy journey will be distant but at this moment it feels like I am finally coming out of the trenches. The highlights of this 8 week post pregnancy life that outshine the typical no sleeping and nursing issues include: Caylor and I getting thrush not once but twice resulting with me stopping nursing early after the 2nd time around; Cannon bringing home a terrible cold, passing it to my hubby, passing it to me which I had for about 2 weeks and then passing it on to Caylor which turned into RSV; a tooth breaking causing a painful infection resulting in me having to get a root canal; a little scratch developing in the corner of Caylor's eye and another on her back that continued to grow, prompting me to google it...bad idea...only to find very upsetting possibilities which thankfully was confirmed by her pediatrician as not the awful things I had found but a hemangioma which is she said should disappear after 5 years, however we have to keep a close watch on the one next to her eye to make sure it continues to grow out instead of in...soooo maybe some of this has contributed to some of this BLAH-NESS but here's to hoping we are in the clear for awhile.
During this 8 weeks I've continued to be a mom, wife, business woman and so on...but without that spunk I had before that I've been missing but I am happy to say today was the first day I finally started feeling a little like my old again...thankgoodness! Finally feeling ready to start working out again...looking forward to working on new aspects of my businesses...no longer afraid to grocery shop with both kids...getting a little more sleep...it's the little things...it's the things that make me a mommy versus Kristen versus Krismom that matter. It's the joy through the struggle of losing yourself and finding yourself during the seasons and roles that encompass your life that make all this worth it at the end of the day and having a great bottle of wine to pop open when it all collides plaguing every mother at one time or another to question..."Am I really cut out for this?"; "Am I a good Mom?"; "Am I totally messing up my kids?"
I am so thankful for God's grace, love and forgiveness because without Him I'd be an even crazier mess than I am on a daily basis.
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."
Proverbs 16:9
